Not Another Christmas-themed Blog

My exposure to anime ended several years ago, mainly because I own no anime myself, and the friends that did are still in Sweden, whereas I am here in the United States now. I still have fond memories of the Ruroni Kenshin episodes I watched (only made it to 14 or 15, I think), mainly because of the supporting cast and the outstanding Japanese voice-acting. My love for katanas was started by Kenshin, and the novel Musashi built on that. (That book is amazing!)

I think Japanese RPGs and games are so popular in the US is for two reasons. The first is that they capitalized on the Anime boom. If something is Japanese, it is exotic in a cool and fashionable way in the US right now. The second is that today's average gamer is just below 30, has a decent paycheck and is of the generation that grew up when consoles and videogames just came to the US, and the Japanese don't get enough credit for the fact that as far as RPGs go, they were first. It's to a large extent nostalgia. The first Final Fantasy games, The Legend of Zelda game, and the greatest one of them all, Chrono Trigger… I played them, loved them, and remember them very fondly. So fondly in fact that I don't remember that the things that bother me about today's Japanese RPGs was there back then as well. I just didn't see them, and if I did, I don't remember them bothering me.

One of the most fascinating things to me about cultural differences is the ones that you have to look closer at to see the full extent of. The fundamental ways of thinking, the subconscious assumptions that the thoughts are based on are drastically different... so different that a person from one country may learn the language of the other, but still not be able to understand them.

For example, the English language has no equivalents to the suffixes the Japanese put after names, largely because social station is not nearly as important in the US as it is in Japan. In fact, the English language goes to great lengths to erase differences in social standing. The Japanese on the other hand, have to signal those differences in order to even be able to have a conversation. Because they are so very important, and because they have no English equivalents, the translators of Persona 3 had no choice but to leave them in the game as they translated the dialogue, leading to a mixture of Japanese and English all too familiar to viewers of Anime in the English-speaking world today.

When I was younger, it didn't strike me as odd to play a game in which a 15-year old was the main Hero that saved the world. When you are 15 years old yourself that is an old age, filled with maturity and wisdom, and to save the world is something that every teenager dreams of. We want to be heroes. We know we could be, if we only had half a chance. And then I grew older, and realized how self-centered and immature teenagers are, and it irritates me that each and every one in these games is a kid. Why can't adults save the worlds for once?

Maybe it is because youth symbolizes purity in most of Asia? Heroes should be pure, after all, and why stop at making them pure in thought and deed, when you can add multi-layered symbolism to the mix? The Japanese more than love symbolism; their written language consists of it and their way of thinking is based on it in ways that is difficult for Europeans to comprehend.

Or maybe it's simply a matter of children in a Japanese culture growing up faster than in the US? Where the US thinks of and treats you as a child until you are 18, though your body and mind may be mature in every sense of the word, the Japanese expect responsibility and adult behavior from their children at a younger age, and consequently they receive it. That's a vague theory of course, since I haven't really studied contemporary Japanese culture that much. I prefer to stay with the nostalgia of the samurai novels.

It is also interesting that the typical American hero, the nameless vigilante that operates outside the law, is a negative thing in Japanese culture-they were the Ronin, the cast-off samuari that served no master, had no honor and no principles. They lived outside of society's strict framework of defined roles and rules, and by doing so they automatically threatened that framework. One of many reasons the 360 isn't doing so well in Japan, perhaps?

Speaking of that, have you ever noticed that the villains in Japanese RPGs surprisingly often are tall, blond, and have blue eyes? The evil that threatens the world is European in appearance... as a former history major, I find that fascinating.

I enjoy Persona 3 because the parts of Japanese culture that I liked in the animes and novels are there. The delicate balance between a collectivist culture and a strong individualism, between personal ambition, and the expectations to put the welfare of the group above the welfare of the individual. The insight that although something can matter a great deal to me personally, that doesn't automatically mean that it actually is important, and death is a perfectly natural part of life, and not by far the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

And what perhaps is the biggest obstacle of all for an American audience: A story does not necessarily have to have a happy ending, to have a good ending.

The Case of the Stupid Story Title

I bought a new book last night. I'm having a lot of fun reading it; I have always enjoyed murder mysteries (reading about them, anyway). However, with this particular collection of short stories, I have a strong complaint. In one of the short stories in the book, one of the first characters introduced is the village dress-maker. The title of that particular story is Tape-Measure Murder. Guess who the killer is?

Shame on you, editors.

Angels Do It Too

Someone reminded me the other night that I haven't blogged in a month. Froli has been mentioning it as well, and even teased me about it. I know. I've been neglectful. At the same time, this blog is a toy, not a job, and it is for fun and relaxation... so here it is. A new blog, about one of the very best things in the entire world.

No, it's not Mass Effect. It's not The Witcher either. (And though I love Froli more than you strictly need to know, it's not him either. Not this time.)

God gave it to Kiss, it was John Miles's first love, Abba thanked you for it, and the angels had it before they even had wings...

Music.

I am finally getting around to hoarding it again, restoring the collection on my computer, one ripped CD at the time, and I love it. All of it.

I have what might be called eclectic tastes in music. On my CD shelf Mozart sits next to Eminem, Bach and Savage Garden next to Evanescence and Lisa Ekdal. There is Nat King Cole's Christmas album, almost the only one I can stand listening to. There is Jussi Bjorling's indescribable performance to Verdi's Requiem. There is U2 and there is Nightwish, Freddie Mercury next to Janis Joplin. I will listen to almost anything, if I think I can stand it.

I am always willing to give a moment of my time and the undivided attention of my ears anyone who loves the music and who sings or plays because they want to share it, and because they have a passion for it greater than words can express. That's what makes music great. When the words are not enough, when they simply cannot cover it anymore, that's where the music takes over, and tells everything.

A couple of days after Pavarotti left us I posted a video of him here, an attempt to keep his memory alive that was as small as it was unnecessary. It is the theme from Caruso. I don't understand a word of it, but I can feel the pain. The loneliness, the longing, and the hopelessness inevitably makes me sad whenever I hear it.

Pavarotti made the world a better place by bringing music to as many people as he could. Apocalyptica does it by playing the cello in their own unique way, and Bobby McFerrin does it with the flair and style that only genius can bring.

There is no real point to this blog other than to say that I love music, and I want to share it with the world. In the end, everything will have been about the music, and that will have been enough. In the end, the music is everything.

(Don't bother. I already know Argent did it first.)

It was a matter of time, really.

I found out about this yesterday. Apparently, a legal complaint that accuses former US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld of authorizing or ordering crimes of torture to be carried out, as well as other war crimes, has been filed in Paris.

Behind the accusation is an alliance of organisations, The New York-based Center for Constitutional Rights, the Berlin-based European Center for Constitutional and Human Rights and two Paris-based groups, the International Federation of Human Rights and the League of Human Rights. The complaint will be investigated by the French authorities, and if they find there is enough basis for that complaint, Rumsfeld could find himself prosecuted for war crimes.

A person that has been accused of torture does not have to be a French national to be prosecuted in France, they only need to be on French soil.

The Center for Constitutional Rights has filed complaints with other European courts as well, and a spokesman says they will continue to do so, since no one in the US, "not even the Congress" is willing to investigate the Bush administration's torture of Iraqi war prisoners, or of the detainees in the Guantanamo Bay prison. Since the United States still refuses to join the International Criminal Court, Hague is not an option ether.

That the French courts are willing to consider this and investigate the matter makes me happy. The way in which Rumsfeld at last has managed to unite old American and European allies against an enemy without conscience or morals, amuses me. Finally, at long last, someone is calling him and the entire administration on their bullshit.

The Long Silence is Broken...

...by a YouTube. But it cheered me up. :-)

Court Your Muse

In the words of Sander Cohen, respectable citizen of Rapture, a muse is a fickle bitch with a short attention span.

He's wrong.

Though Sander's muse may not be the most attentive and regular visitor, that isn't because she is fickle, he simply doesn't know how to treat her right.

He fragments his attention between several different projects. He is focussed on his audience instead of on the muse, and he is too preoccupied by anger, fear, and every other emotion in the spectrum, to pay attention to his muse at all. Worst of all, he makes someone else do his creative work for him.

A muse is not fickle, and her attention span is usually anything but short, but she is a jealous and demanding creature. If you want her to become a central and recurring part of your life, you need to invite her, make her feel welcome, and lastly you need to make her feel so appreciated that she wants to come back to you. In other words, you have to court your muse.

The most important thing to realize is that once she has arrived, your muse wants to be the center of your attention. She wants you to eliminate all distractions, and to focus only on her.

If your muse has left you, or if she seems very willing to give you space lately, let me give you some advice on how to get back into her good graces. Keep in mind that since I am a writer, the more practical portion of my advice may not apply to you if you are not, but the theory should be as universal as it is solid.

If you write on a computer, take a moment to install a writing program that takes away all your distractions. If you are on a Mac, install Writeroom, and marvel at the solid black background, and the sleek interface. For Windows users, like myself, Darkroom offers the exact same functionality.

I run a Linux distribution, Ubuntu 7.04, on my laptop, and have not yet found a Linux application out there that offers the same thing, so I am using a work-around of sorts; I have made some changes to the text editor that came with my Ubuntu 7.04, Gedit. The background has been set to solid black, the font to pale purple, and I have hidden the tool bar, and maximized the window. Not quite as smooth as Darkroom is on my Windows PC, but it gets the job done.

If anyone out there knows of a native Linux application that mimics the functionality and interface of Writeroom, I would very much appreciate a link.

Before you start writing, close your browser. In fact close all other applications except one (we'll get back to which one later), to avoid the temptation of tabbing back and forth between the windows. Turn off your IM client, your RSS feed, and and your email notifications. Actually, if you're on a notebook, go ahead and disable the wireless altogether. You don't need it right now, and it distracts you from the muse. She doesn't want to share you with Digg anymore than your partner wants you to keep trying to watch TV while you're making love.

Now that you have removed all visual distractions, you are a quarter of the way there. Next is to get rid of all those things that take place everywhere around you, and that hover just at the outside of your perception and nags you to turn around, just briefly, to see what's going on. I'm referring to the TV downstairs, the conversation in the next room, the loud music from your neighbors, in short, I am talking about sound.

Sound is deceptively good at distracting and fragmenting our concentration, and when that happens our focus slips away from the muse and back to the movie that is playing on the TV below. Fortunately, there is a very easy solution for this: Listen to other sounds.

Install a good media manager on your computer, and create a playlist for when you sit down to write. The media player is the only thing that should be running on your computer, aside from the word processor, when you write. What kind of music you listen to is not as important, whatever you like and whatever shuts out every single distracting sound from the world around you, is perfect. My primary writing playlist consists of a lot of metal and gothic rock, my secondary plays classical music.

Listen through earphones. Speakers are all well and good, but they don't isolate you from the sounds of the world. Plug in your headphones, and keep the volume at whichever level is loud enough to shut everything out, yet soft enough to be pleasant.

There is one more thing you need to do, before you can guarantee your muse the complete privacy she needs. You need to let your room mate, spouse, child, pet, or any other creature living in your home, know that when you write, you want to be alone. All the Darkrooms and earphones in the world are useless if someone suddenly walks in to ask you if you remembered to buy toilet paper when you went to Costco last night. Ask for privacy. I should not have to tell you to ask nicely, or to be willing to explain why you need it.

Now, the forth and last piece of advice I have is that you make it easy for your muse to find you, and show her that you will be there when she comes looking for you. She doesn't just want to just date you, she wants a committed long-term relationship, and she wants to be able to count on you to show up when you've asked her out.

Make writing a part of your routine. Sit down to write at the same time every evening. It doesn't matter if you can only do it once a week, though if you can't do it very often you need to rethink whether you really want to have a relationship with a creature as demanding as a muse.

But if you can promise your muse that you will be in front of your computer, earphones plugged in and word processor open, by 8:00 PM every Thursday night, and spend at least two hours with her, you will eventually begin to find her there at that time, every week, impatiently waiting for you with countless new ideas that she can't wait to share with you.

Court your muse. She'll reward you with life-long loyalty and endless inspiration, and she will help you achieve things you never thought possible because she wants to inspire you. She just needs to be convinced that you want her there with you, every step of the way.

Apocalyptica plays Metallica

I used to play the cello, a long time ago. If I had known back then that a group like this would appear, or if I had realized that it was at all possible, I might have been a professional cellist today.

This is what it is all about. My music, on my instrument, my way. The way I like it, the way I want to, because this is how I love it.

This is Enter Sandman, performed on four cellos, by four very talented and skilled cellists. Enjoy.



Now, take my hand. We're off to Never-Never Land.

By popular demand...

Here we are. This is what we look like when we are very tired, and very dressed up. Despite both those things, we are also very happy in this picture. That's why we're smiling.

Happy National Video Games Day!

Today is National Video Games Day. Celebrate your favorite games or gaming devices by playing your latest obsession for hours and hours tonight. Take a moment to fondly remember the game that got you hooked on gaming, your first love, all those years ago.

Rejoice in our captivating hobby, and don't forget to send an e-card to the favorite gamer in your life.

It is fitting that the 360 is returned to us on this auspicious day.

A Magician Has Left Us

I know that this is several days late. I know that I am doing what everyone else has already done, but I don't really care that much about that.

Luciano Pavarotti has left this world, and he left it a better place than he found it. I'm hoping I can say the same one day, though I could never hope to do it the way he did. He had a magical voice, and a skill that matched his fantastic talent, and recordings of his performances will hopefully last for generations, who all will have a little more beauty in their lives from the music he was a part of.

This is not a tribute, so much as my contribution to his memory. May it live for centuries.

Entirely Bug-Free Software, Guaranteed

Andy Brice did it! He wrote the first ever bug-free application, and you can find it, completely free, at all the reputable download sites!

Actually, to be serious for a moment, what Andy did is pure genius. Everyone who uses freeware, a lot or a little, should read his blog article and make notes of all the sites he submitted his little application to. Don't be too scared, but do be careful from now on.

Intermediate Literacy

The ability to express oneself clearly and concisely, using the written medium, is not so much an ability as it is a skill. Because it is a skill it takes time and practice to acquire it, and that has rarely been as painfully clear to me as over the past few days.

I am on email and chat detail at work. That means people write in and ask questions and I write back and answer them. The emails are not so bad, but the chat can be physically painful, and not only because of the way I tend to hunch in my chair. Maybe it is because I have spent nearly ten years living online as much as I do off-line, maybe it is because I read a lot, or maybe it is because some of the people I talk to in the support chat really are illiterate idiots, but it is becoming more and more clear to me that though basic literacy may be widespread, the intermediate version isn't. I'm referring to the ability to communicate or describe clearly, using exact words and phrasing, a situation or the events that led up to it.

Another side of intermediate literacy is the ability to read between words, to understand the implied meaning of written language and not only what is actually there. The ability to understand that when the Technical Support agent in the chat asks “Did you receive an error message?”, they expect you to copy and paste that error message into the chat if your answer is yes. It is implied, and the ability to understand such implications is vital to clear communication in a medium where all you have to work with is the written word.

I admit that I may be spoiled. I spend a lot of my spare time in internet forums, chat rooms, and talking to friends on various messenger services, and after nearly ten years I have become very good at expressing myself in writing. I know the difference between calling someone a “nice” person and a “kind” person.

I know that I read more than average. I know that a lot of people that I communicate with online do the same, and I realize very well that the amount you read, and what you read, directly affects how you write, and now I have finally arrived at what I was pondering on the way home today.

Is there too little writing in our everyday life today? Everything is in pretty colors that are easy to distinguish, words are short and quick, and news as well as important political issues come in 5-second sound bytes. We're moving towards a society that has no room or use for long segments of written language, where novels sell better if they are easy to read and use short and simple words, and where soon only college textbooks use four-syllable words and demand that you think while you read them.

But we are also moving towards a society that exists at least partly online, in blogs, chat rooms, on IM clients and on message boards, and in those places, the written word is the only way of communicating. Can there be a balance between the real visual world, and the written online one? Will there be?

There should be. It seems to me, that with computers and network connections here to stay, the written way of communicating should be focussed on, emphasized and celebrated. After all, what else are we to each other than words, strung together to form sentences?

Draught

In addition to the backyard swamp, my well of blog ideas has also dried up recently. Somehow it seems that going on a second YouTube binge so soon after the last would be a bit like cheating. I need some other form of filler material, and I need it quickly. It's either that, or I'll have to start thinking again, and I feel very strongly that I'm getting enough of that at work right now.

I am in that situation right now that all callcenter employees recognize, where all my customers are irritating and annoying for me. Every single one of them seems a bit stupid, has a funny-sounding voice and an irritating way of talking, and they aggravate me, and I know that it isn't them, it is me.

If you've ever worked in customer service you know what I'm talking about.

I need a break, and I am very much looking forward to the upcoming three-day weekend. Amaterasu Okami and I are going to smite evil together.

The Bane of the Black Swamp

The swamp has been defeated. The correct parts have been purchased and assembled and the sprinklers will work again. In all, it's been a busy weekend.

Cause of the Backyard Swamp

We seem to have a leaking sprinkler pipe. The main pipe, the one that is filled with water under high pressure whether the sprinklers are running or not. Next to it are two other pipes, and an electrical cable that probably should not be accidentally cut when one is up to one's elbows in muddy water that said cable is fully submerged in. You are looking at the result of nine hours of hard work, starting with determining where the leak was, how bad it is, and what exactly needs to be done to fix it. And that was after digging through quite a large amount of very heavy mud.

The '73 Belmont Stakes

I have always wanted to see this race, and I finally found it on YouTube. This is what is known as "a spanking".



And you thought Seabiscuit was impressive...

USA vs Venezuela

The FIBA qualifying tournament to decide which two teams of the Americas that will make an appearance in the 2008 Summer Olympics has begun. That can't have escaped any sports fan in the U.S. Most of them seem to assume, like me, that Team USA is a given Olympic contender, based on the fact that the starting line-up consists of five of the fifteen best basketball players in the world right now, and several of the top twenty are sitting on the bench.

The two high points of the game were a series of passes that ended with a beautiful toss behind the back from LeBron to Kobe, who promptly dunked it, and something I never thought I'd hear: A sports announcer using the words "copacetic" and "reticent" in consecutive sentences.

Only Bill Walton.

Welcome to the Helpdesk

Northern comfort

I was screamed at by a couple of customers today. I can't even begin to describe how rare that is. I'm very irritated at them.

Fortunately, I have a fragrant, rich, smooth, beautiful amber single malt to distract me from them.

PSN Problems

Although I have signed up, and even selected my very own cool avatar, I have serious issues with the PlayStation Network. More to the point, it refuses to let me sign in. No matter when or how I try, the connection insists on timing out. Suggestions and tips on how to change this are more than welcome.

The Obligatory Harry Potter Blog Post

Froli pointed out, as we were watching the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last night, that there is a scene in that movie that should have ended the entire debate about whether Severus Snape is good or evil. And he is right, it should have.

Just in case you haven't seen the movie recently, let me remind you: It's the one where Sirius Black escapes from Azkaban, comes to Hogwarts in search of Harry, and where we met the Dementors for the first time. It's the one where Hermoine meddles with time and where a certain Buckbeak plays an important role in the plot. The scene in question takes place right after Professor Lupin and Sirius Black have revealed that the rat Scabbers is in fact Peter Pettigrew, the one who betrayed Harry's parents to Voldemort, and are dragging the traitor back to Hogwarts and the Dementors.

Sirius is enjoying the fresh night air and has just invited Harry to come live with him instead of with the Dursleys, when Hermoine notices that there is a full moon that night. That is bad, given Professor Lupin's... condition, and he immediately begins to transform into a very unpleasant creature. Sirius tries to slow the change, and just as it finally completes, Snape comes up from the tunnel, unaware that there is a werewolf nearby, and beings scolding Harry. The werewolf interrupts him by snarling something that sounds a lot like "oh, more food!"

Snape immediately realizes that he is face to face with a werewolf, a creature he is deathly afraid of, and that there is nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. (In case you haven't seen the movie or read the last book yet, I'm going to hide the next few sentences, so if you want to read, you will need to highlight them. Fair enough?)

Snape's instinctive reaction is to shield the children. He steps in between Harry, Hermoine and Ron, all of whom he detests, and a hungry werewolf, in an effort to protect them.

Go watch the movie again and it is blindingly obvious. Did Alfonso Cuaron know how it was going to turn out? Alan Rickman at least did, for obvious reasons.

Nobody's perfect. Not even you.

A note to my least favorite kind of customer: The next time you need to call any kind of technical support or customer support, pause and take a deep breath first. Then review the following list of bullet points and commit them to memory before making the call.

• Working in IT doesn't mean you know everything.
• Working in IT doesn't mean you can't make mistakes.
• Working in IT does not automatically make you an expert on how a memory module works, or for that matter what it is compatible with.
• If you really are good at trouble-shooting hard-ware, then please do. Really. I promise, I won't be the least upset if you do.
  
• Don't tell me you know more about this than I do. If you did, you wouldn't have called in the first place.
  

Depending on how long you have worked with computers, you may want to print the list and put it by your desk, where it is easy to see and read.

Thank you.

And then the other side of the coin...

On my second day back from my vacation one of my customers was so happy that I solved his problem that he wanted to be transferred to my supervisor so he could tell him nice things about me.

It all evens out in the end?

Some days you just can't win

I had one single nice customer today. One.

It's so nice to be back at work again after my vacation.

Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires

First of all, I would like to say that the only other game in this long-lived series that I have played is Dynasty Warriors 4, and that was a while ago, so think of this little piece of writing as a first impression of a long-lived series of games based on a very tumultuous and fascinating part of Chinese history. Now, I liked Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires. There is something very appealing about single-handedly taking on entire armies and plow your way through them like an unstoppable tank. I'm Achilles! Or possibly Bruce Lee.

The co-op mode is one of the most fun ones I have seen in any game yet to date -- though that might just be because when we played DW4 the TV we had at the time was far to small to be able to handle the split screen. The only thing that annoyed me a little bit is that although there were two people playing, only the one whose profile was signed in at the time gets gamer points and achievements, not the person holding controller 2. I'm pretty sure that the technology is available to make it possible for me to get my points and badges. Just store everything player 2 does on the hard drive (anyone owning a 360 without a hard drive isn't going to care about achievements anyway), and then when I sign in to my profile, let me access that data and upload it. Of course the game will not let me do that. In order to get any credit at all to my gamer profile for the many hours I've spent playing this game, I am going to have to do it all over again. Alternatively, we'll just have to buy a second 360 and hook it up to the TV upstairs, buy a second wireless adapter to that second 360, and buy a second copy of the game, and then we can do the online multi-player co-op mode, and I can get my achievement badges and points that way. Makes perfect sense... right? No, not really.

Apart from that major drawback, major in my mind at least, it's not a bad game. The Empire mode, with the policies and assignments, is well done and at the same time very simple to figure out and master. The many options, along with the random natural disasters and the ability to search and recruit new generals from conquered regions is all fun. As far as strategy games goes, this is a good one, though perhaps a bit limited.

In addition to the strategy elements, there is of course the fun hack-n-slash part. Whenever your ruler moves to invade a neighboring province you fight the battles out with a maximum of three generals and three lieutenants of your choosing. In single-player mode you control one of the generals, in the co-op mode we played Player 2 takes control of one of the other two. You are placed at different starting points on the map, and then have to work together to achieve the objective of the battle. The objectives are simple and very consistent: Beat up all the enemy generals, take all their supply bases, and take control of their main camp. The game play is similarly simple, a number of simple button combinations that leads to a number of similarly simple but very cool looking attacks that make your enemies literally fly across the battlefield. It's fun.

Long story short, if you're after a strategy game that lets you chop, hack, and slash at your enemies, a game that is exactly what it seems to be, no more and no less, then this is a good choice. However, if you want a game with any form of story whatsoever, or with voice acting that raises above the abysmal, you should probably look elsewhere.

There Can Be Only One

Last week day off work... and here's what I have spent it on. There are six whole seasons just waiting for me to watch them all!

The Glory That Is Laziness

Among the most exhausting things I have done so far today was to blow my hair straight after I showered, and to search for, and find, my awesome fancy shoes. In addition to that, I have played video games, watched Highlander, and I have wasted countless hours aimlessly surfing the internet.

In addition to all the above, I also found the time to read The Book. It was better than I expected, and I am of course very proud that I was right about both Snape and Dumbledore. I always enjoy feeling smart.

Children, and things that prevent them

I am finally back home, after a trip that can only be described as hellish beyond words.

To begin with, the large amounts of stress created by the fact that my wallet was stolen from me day two of my honeymoon, made everything a little less bearable than it otherwise would have been. Obtaining the necessary paperwork for me to travel through Europe and back into the U.S. was difficult and stressful in and of itself, despite the great help and assistance that both Swedish and American embassy employees gave me. The lady working at the Swedish consulate in Malaga was likewise extremely helpful and friendly, and if not for her the paperwork hunt would have been a lot longer and far more painful than it ended up being.

The U.S. embassy in Stockholm was likewise very helpful, the passport control officer in Philadelphia was understanding and generous, and the long and short of it is that we ended up getting me home, on time, for a lot less money than we expected. Very nice. The actual travel was less so.

First of all, every single one of the five flights we had to take was delayed for some reason or other. The first one was late leaving because it had been late arriving. Thunderstorms had delayed its take-off, leading to the delay. The thunderstorm was still very much active as we were about to land, and by the way, flying over the Alps is unpleasant. There was so much turbulence the little trays with food was literally flying all over the place, passengers of all ages were either crying or throwing up or both, and overall, it was just nasty.

We were so late coming in to Frankfurt that the airline actually rescheduled us for an early morning flight the following day, since we were not going to make the connection we had scheduled. We landed, got off the plane, and went to the airline ticketing counter to get our new boarding passes and information about which hotel they were putting us in, only to be told that they were holding the flight for all passengers off the one that just landed, and we had to go to the gate immediately. We ran, we made it, we got to our destination about an hour past midnight.

Then, after around three hours of sleep we got up and ran to the passport authorities to obtain an Emergency Passport so I could travel home, checked in, had breakfast, boarded the plane, and were on our way.

You are now wondering what all this has to do with children. Don't worry, I am getting to that. Here it is: Parents all over the world, if your child is less than seven years old, you do not belong on commercial flights. I don't care how urgent it is, either resign yourself to not travel anywhere you cannot drive during those seven years, or invest in heavy tranquilizers. This goes double if your little miracle is two or younger.

To phrase it differently, what exactly where you thinking, taking your two-year-old on a trans-Atlantic flight? Don't you know that's at least eight hours in an airplane? Don't you know your little miracle gets tired, scared, bored and frustrated? Don't you realize that when that happens, he screams?

If the mother of the blond wailing siren on the 10:20 flight from Stockholm to Philadelphia on the 23rd of July reads this, the fact that your kid screamed for 6.5 of the eight hours should be a clue to you that you should never, ever take him on an airplane again. The fact that passengers around you were commenting, loudly, on how irritating your little horror was, and were joking openly about suffocating him with their pillows or throwing him out the emergency exit, should have made you realize that it was a mistake to encourage his squeals and screams by wiggling his toys for him and by chasing him up and down the aisle in a game of tag.

For the record and for those of my readers who know me well enough, I would like to point out that there were several other passengers saying these things as well. I was far from the only one.

I also doubt that I am the only one who would pay decidedly higher air fares, if the airline could guarantee me that they will bar children below seven from entering the plane unless said little monsters are heavily sedated the entire trip. Whichever airline thinks of this first is going to make a fortune, if they can just avoid being sued by offended parents who are incapable of realizing that that not everyone is as enamored by their little babies as they are, and who are stupid enough to think that their children are being discriminated against.

And here is the thing: It's not the babies. It's you. A two years old little boy does not understand enough, and is not matured enough, to deal with eight hours on an airplane in any other way than by crying until someone he trusts saves him from this horrible place. No matter how annoying he might be, he is ultimately not the one responsible for the aggravation and insomnia he causes the other passengers--his parents are. And those parents need to realize that they and their babies do not belong in an airplane that will not land for the next eight hours. Do not travel with little children. Other travelers will bless and thank you.

Unfortunately there was a child like that wailing little horror on four out of the five flights we took to get home. The fifth flight was the one with the unpleasant turbulence, and there is a huge problem when a flight that has flying trays and vomit is the best out of five. Because of the turbulence and screaming children we traveled for a total of 38 hours, and only managed to sleep for three of them. Taking a nap is impossible with a screaming toddler three rows behind you.

Fortunately, I will not have to go through that again for a very, very long time. I am looking forward to enjoying being home, and staying home. I have traveled before, many times, but never had such bad luck and unpleasant circumstances as this time.

One of the very few drawbacks of home was highlighted for me as I stopped in a grocery store on the way home from replacing my stolen drivers license... this state is prude to the point of stupidity. For a number of reasons, at least one of which should be obvious, condoms were on my shopping list. Apparently they are considered restricted merchandise, and because of that the store puts a little block on the steel bar they hang from, to prevent you from taking the box off it. On the little block it says to see a sales associate for help in purchasing the restricted product.

Now, I am a married woman, with the rings and paperwork to prove it, and I doubt that anyone who knows me would describe me as narrow-minded, shy, or easily embarrassed. However, I do have some standards, and if I wanted to announce to a random stranger that I plan to have lots of sex in the near future, I could simply walk up to him or her and say that.

Never the less, determined to play by the rules, and always happy to make someone else more uncomfortable with a situation than I am, I found the nearest sales associate, a young man who looked to be in his early twenties, and explained that I wanted to purchase condoms and that the sign on the shelf said to see a sales associate for assistance in getting a box.

The sales associate in question looked like he couldn't decide if he was embarrassed or amused, eventually settled for amused, and followed me back to the shelf and asked me which ones I wanted. I replied, "that one, the Magnum XL", and sniggered inwardly when he instantly stopped looking amused. Boys and their insecurities...

I wonder though... last time I looked, the large number of unwanted teenage pregnancies was actually a real problem in this state. Would it not be in the best interests of the entire community to make it just a little bit easier, and less embarrassing and difficult, to purchase a pack of condoms?

July 14th, 2007

I take you to be my husband,
to share with you sorrow and joy,
to be faithful to you,
until death parts us.

Taking off

I leave very soon, to go on a long trip. It is geographically long in that it goes across the Atlantic Ocean. It is a long trip in that I will be gone for nearly three weeks. I have no idea whether I will have internet access or not while I am gone, so there maybe no updates or posts at all here for the next three weeks. (As opposed to the four or five I could get done in that time if I had internet access.)

With any luck, I will have lots to talk about when I return.

...but everyone likes Hugh Laurie?

The honorary mention goes to Lev, who identified Hugh Laurie in an instant. Yes, the gifted actor playing the temperamental git is in fact none other than actor portraying House, M.D.

I told you he was talented, didn't I?

No one likes Hamlet.

I know, I know, this is kind of cheating... but the man is so talented! Those of you living in the US, see if you can recognize the man playing "Bill". Whoever gives me the right answer first wins an honorary mention on a piece of paper in the middle of a notebook.

A Warm Welcome

No matter how bad your workday was, there's always someone somewhere who has it worse...

I hunt, therefor I am?

My cat hunted and killed yesterday. She killed a bird. It's the first she's ever killed that I know about, and she was very proud of it. She was so proud of it she brought it inside and showed it off.

There were small feathers spread on it here and there, and she didn't care... she was batting at the dead bird, nipping at it, and she looked (and probably felt) very ferocious. It was a matter of time before she turned that bird into a royal mess that would never wash out of the carpet.

Now, I understand that cats hunt on instinct. They just have to go after the small squeaking creatures, they can't stop themselves, and they don't understand why humans reward them when they hunt mice and get upset when they hunt birds, because they don't understand the difference.

However, I had no desire to have dead bird smeared into my carpet. I decided that since I was cooking at the time, and handling a dead bird is unsanitary, Froli would have the honor of removing the little feather ball. So I went and found him, told him about that cat and the dead bird, and after he had expressed proper admiration for the glorious cat's amazing hunting skills, he took the bird from her and disposed of it.

More than 24 hours later, I think she is finally starting to forgive him.

The stolen blog post

During the very last hour at work today, I had this great idea for a blog post. It would be work related venting, of course, based on some of the more inane things that customers say and do, and it was going to be sharp, sarcastic, and fueled by the fact that work has been increasingly frustrating and stressful lately. I was all over this idea, and I was even composing the post in my head as I drove home from work.

And then I came home, opened the front door and walked in, and something was smelling very nice... a little bit like sandal wood, and it probably came from the scented candle on the kitchen table. The table itself was the oak one that we were going to bring in from the garage together, tonight, along with the matching chairs. Yet here it is, chairs and all, with a scented candle and plates and glasses out and there is a pink envelope on there as well.

Pink is not exactly my color, but the words "for my girlfriend" were written on it, so I took it and opened it anyway. Inside was a card, also pink in various shades, with a lot of classic "empowering" statements on it: I am strong. I am full of potential. I am not perfect. I am loved. I am fascinating. I am flawed. I am open minded. I am gifted. I am woman.

Inside the card was written, in very familiar hand writing, and beyond all of that, you are my woman, and I love you very much.

I realized a little later that the other smell, that mingled very nicely with the sandal wood, was chicken, sizzling in butter and thyme. It was delicious, and the bottle of chianti that somehow became involved, only improved the evening even more.

I had this great idea for a blog post during my last hour at work today, but I can't for the life of me remember it now. And for some reason, I'm not the least bit stressed out anymore.

Entertaining moment of the weekend:

Now I know how to make employees in a video game store look at me as if I am a freak from another planet. (Aside from walking into certain stores and talk about games as if I know about them. Sometimes I wonder if it's really 2007, the way some of these guys react...)

Walk in and ask them if they can look up what I have on preorder. When they say yes, wait for them to tell me the list of games, and then ask if I can move my preorder of Mass Effect to another game.

Then I giggled at the stunned and "did she just say that?" expressions, and then spent a few moments explaining that no, I hadn't heard anything negative about it at all. Since I make a point of being nice to gaming store employees, I also explained that the reason I wanted to move it was that I was already all set up to get a copy on the release day, and have no need of duplicate reservations.

I then went on to restore order in the universe by simply moving said preorder over to Bioshock.

Look, I have a blog! I'd almost forgotten.

I told you I'll be losing interest in this new toy in a week or so.

Kidding aside, things have been busy lately. One has to prioritize and sometimes blogging needs to be put on the back burner, and attention, time, and energy must be spent on more important things. Scheduling a honeymoon, while planning a wedding, while applying for a Greencard renewal, while looking for a house to buy and move to, tends to keep a person busy and, no offense meant to my two faithful readers, seemed more important at the time, than my blog.

Two of the above have been taken care of, which hopefully will give me just a bit more time to get back on track with the blog.

I have discovered that Blogger does not work in Ubuntu (the Linux distribution that is installed on my laptop). This is a serious drawback, and I am currently looking for solutions to this problem. When I find one, hopefully soon, blogging will become a bit more regular and frequent again.

Små kontraster...

Smart people who know what they're doing don't to call either Customer Support or Tech Support, so we never get to hear from those customers. The ones we talk to are not a representative sample of the average computer user out there, or the average among our customers for that matter. So when I do hear from one of them, it's a very interesting contrast. The quotes below are from those rare, rare diamonds found in the mud of ignorance and misinformation.

"Hello. I want to make a purchase here in the US, with my American credit card and ship it to an address in Germany, and I need to know what to tell my credit card company, to make sure there aren't any delays or problems."

"I just placed an order for over-night morning delivery, and since it's five minutes before your shipping cut-off I just wanted to make sure that the order went through and that it will get out today. Oh, and if it can't get to me by tomorrow morning I need the order canceled, because this really can't wait."

"I called yesterday about an order that never got to me, although the online tracking says it was delivered. I just wanted to let you know I found it."

"I apologize for being rude earlier." (This one is almost unheard of.)

"Why won't you ship to my son in college?"
*explanation of our credit card policies*
"Oh. Okay, I'll call my credit card company, and call you back and let you know when I straightened it out with them."

They're rare, but occasionally we get to talk to them. It's a nice change of pace.

The simple things in life...

I went back to my favorite lunch place again today. I come in almost every day, at roughly the same time every day, and I always try to be nice and polite to the people who work there. Today they had a new girl there working the midday shift, and I realized how spoiled I've become.

Some of my coworkers tease me about the fact that I eat at the same place every single day, but I have a good reason for it. Apart from really liking the food they serve, I like the unspoken perks that come with being recognized and not despised by the ones serving the food.

This new girl didn't recognise me at all, so she put the standard amounts of vegetables on my sub, and I had to ask her for a cup for my drink.

It irritated me. What's the point of coming back every day if I don't get something extra for it?

EB Games, you tease!

From Gamespot's Rumor Control, we find out that Mass Effect once more has been delayed. We also find out that EB Games may have been too quick to make assumptions...

The bottom line:

The official story: Mass Effect publisher Microsoft Games Studios' response was swift...and not particularly helpful. "We have not made any official announcements regarding release timing for Mass Effect," a rep said. "At this time, any information about the game's release date is purely rumor and speculation."

Bogus or not bogus?: Bogus that it's been delayed, since it technically never had an official release date. However, the EBgames.com listing indicates a September release is now likely.

I try to console myself by watching in-game footage on the game's official site, and curse EB Games for getting my hopes up.

Minor revenge

I got a small revenge on a customer today. It's not much, granted, but it's something and, more importantly, it's the only thing someone working in a call center ever gets.

Day 1:
Customer has a warranty replacement set up, and pays to have the new parts sent out immediately. Full refund is given when bad parts arrive to our company. Customer uses the same card that paid for the original order, without knowing that depending on which bank you have, using a debit card for online purchases is one of the most stupid things you can do.

See, what happens when you make a purchase online is that the company that owns the website immediately verifies all the payment card information and then places a hold on the funds on your card, so you can't spend the money until it's legitimate to actually charge it - when the product you purchased is shipped to you.

Most debit cards take over a week before that hold drops off the account, whether the charge takes place or not. In some cases, if there is a rounding error when the sales tax is calculated, there will be enough of a difference between the hold and the charge that the hold never drops off, at least not until the company that instigated it tells the bank that it is no longer needed. The difference required for this to happen is one cent. One single penny is all it takes, and that's what had happened to this customer, and as a result, it looked as if he was charged twice for one order, and because the hold was still there, he had $123 less in his account than he thought he had. In other words, there was not enough funds available to charge for the replacement parts.

Day 3:
Because there isn't enough funds on the card, a notification is sent to me that the exchange I set up a few days ago needs some extra attention, the card on it has been declined. I send an email to the customer, informing him that there has been a problem with the card, and asking him to call in to provide an alternate credit card for us so we can send him the new working parts.

Day 4:
Customer calls in, absolutely livid. He screams, cusses, and makes such liberal use of the infamous F-word that the co-worker of mine that received the call actually hung up on him. (Yes, we are permitted to end phone calls when customers are abusive.) My co-worker,who is a very easy-going and laid back sort of person that does not get angry easily, listened to the expletives for about 30 seconds, then politely but very firmly told the customer to stop using that language, or the call would be over. The customer didn't stop, so my co-worker promptly ended the call, and then sent out a department-wide email with the customer's name, informing everyone that if this man calls back he should go to a supervisor right away.

The customer called back, and came to my phone. He recognized my name as belonging to the person sending him the email, and that of course sent him into a new screaming fury. Since I recognized the name from the emailed warning that had gone out only minutes earlier, I immediately read the notes from the previous call, then informed the customer that there was no need to either scream or cuss at me. He insisted he was doing neither, which was such a ludicrous claim that I didn't bother to grace it with a reply.

I instead explained why things were the way they were, and in spite of this man using a language that would have gotten him thrown out even from a bar on a college campus, I explained what needed to be done to resolve the situation, and offered to do my best to get it done.

While I was staying professional and attempting to be helpful, the word "retarded" was used in reference to my co-worker as well as my employer, various highly unflattering remarks of the parentage of everyone working for the company were made, and strong wishes to see us all burn in Hell were uttered.

The only reason I did not follow my co-worker's example and hung up was that the customer did not use that fabled F-word anymore, and he did not attack me personally.

Instead I put him on hold for ten minutes, while I spoke with the credit card division about what would need to be done to resolve the situation, and it is surprisingly simple. The customer needs to call his bank and inform them of the error in their system, tell them that the so-called "charge" is in fact just a hold that is no longer needed, and he needs to ask them to remove it from his account. We cannot do that, because banks don't do things to their customers' accounts just because a stranger asks them to, whoever that stranger says they are.

The need to have to lift a single finger to do anything to fix the problem sent the customer into a new fury, and he demanded to know what he needed to do to get all his money back from us.

Just send all the parts back, I'll set that up for you. We can't give you money back until the parts are here, but I'll make it easy as easy as possible for you to send them in.

But the customer, again, does not want to lift a single finger, and is deeply offended and angered that we have the nerve to request the parts back before giving back his money. He never wants to hear from us ever again and then he hangs up, very noisily.

Day 5:
I receive a notice from the System That Watches that there is an exchange, that I set up several days ago, that needs a little extra attention. The payment card used on the order has been declined.

Since I was not very eager to call Mr F-Word again, or contact him at all, I went to my supervisor and explained in detail the events that took place after his shift ended on Day 4, and asked for advice on how to handle the situation. I provided an order number for the original order, the one where the rounding error caused the hold to stay indefinitely on the customer's debit card, even after the charge had taken place, and explained how that led to the replacement parts being delayed because of insufficient funds on the customer's card.

My supervisor listened to me, read the lengthy notes I took during my call, and the notes my co-worker put in, and then said, "Cancel the replacement order. If he is going to be abusive, we're done with him."

So I of course did that, taking great pleasure in knowing that the very unpleasant man will never get working parts from us, and in knowing that I have a supervisor who agrees with me that my job is to help customers, not take abuse from them.

What is, from my point of view, the best part about this situation is that though it was not the customer's fault, it was not ours either. It's his bank, whose system cannot distinguish between a hold and a charge, when made to a debit card. Never the less, we could still have helped him; we really could. Although we can't call the bank and ask for things we have our other ways, and even us lowly front-line call-serfs have power enough that I would not need supervisor approval for a single one of the things needed to be done to make the whole problem completely go away.

We could have helped this man and solved the problem for him during one single phone call.

However, instead he now has a hold of $123 on his debit card, a hold that may never go away, especially if his bank refuses to take his word only that the hold is no longer needed. He also has a set of dead parts that will never work, and that he paid full price for. He will get that money back if he sends the parts in; we're not thieves, and everything is set up to ensure a full refund as soon as said parts arrive in our facility. The customer was made aware of that fact when the exchange was created, half a week before Day 1, and he may eventually remember that.

I'll certainly not going to remind him. After all, he didn't want to hear from us ever again.

Fumbling adventures in Ubuntu-land

I reinstalled Ubuntu 6.06 on my laptop recently, this time with the intention of keeping it there for quite some time. Dropping the encryption level on the home network to one the poor old thing can manage (an additional bonus was shorter load times and faster browsing) means all of a sudden the laptop's built-in wireless adapter can work with the wireless router upstairs, and if I could only figure out a way to extend the effective battery life past 25 minutes, I'd be all set.

Installation and setup was a bit more of a hassle than I remembered. The Automatix2 scripts would for once not work quite right, and I ended up reinstalling the little application a couple of times, from various different sources. Eventually it worked, through the easy installer in the Automatix Wiki, and all plugins and codecs I need to enjoy music and flash in Swiftfox were duly installed.

Wine gave me a bit more problems... You see, one of the reasons I wanted Ubuntu back and Wine installed and working is that several of my old favourite games--and with old I mean published before the year 2000--no longer work under WinXP. The ones that do just don't run very well on the much faster hardware computers today use. My laptop is a Compaq Evo N410c, with a BIOS start date of January 2002, so I figured the hardware would be just the right age to run my games without any glitches or speed problems. The problem was that I don't have any Win98 CDs laying around, and even if I did I would be reluctant to use that OS. I have vivid memories of Blue Screens of Death... so I decided to give Ubuntu another chance.

Back to Wine. Simply put, it's a compatibility layer running within my Ubuntu installation, and within that layer I can run Windows applications. Since Linux has native browsers, office applications, messengers and media players, and everything else I might need for day-to-day computering, I plan to use Wine exclusively for my old Win98 games.

But the stupid thing would not install properly. I tried to simply do it via the Add/Remove... function in Gnome, Ubuntu's desktop environment of choice, but no dice. Next I went on to try it via Automatix2. No dice there either. Next I went to command-line installations via aptitude, and that worked. I was very happy, until I ran winecfg and promptly crashed Wine at my first attempts to configure sound. Several reboots later I had managed to remove every single trace of Wine from the little laptop, downloaded the latest version from WineHQ, installed, and I was all set to go.

Or so I thought. While Wine worked fine, and there were no further crashes, and both Sanitarium and Fallout and all their patches installed just fine, I had no sound. The magnificent intro to Fallout just is not the same without the happy music in the beginning. Argh.

After some online research, and after visiting various forums for help, I discovered it was my own fault. Apparently you need to set winecfg so Wine knows to use the same kind of sound driver that the rest of your system uses. Well, I guess if you want to be logical... ! Sheesh.

Fallout intro played with music. It was awesome.

I have not yet tried to play either game in Wine, but will make sure to do so before I take the laptop with me for my two-week trip later this summer. Who needs a PSP when you have a laptop with Wine and old games?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go attend to a whole different kind of wine; I have an Australian Cabernet Sauvignon and hickory smoked ribs waiting for me in the kitchen.

Peter Jackson's unforgivable offense

I want to make one thing very clear, before we move on. I love the Lord of the Rings movies. While they were not following the books to the letter they were close enough that I recognized almost everything. The Nazgul were scary, the Fellowship was extremely well cast, and even Cate Blanchet as Galadriel worked out very well.

There was one thing however that really, really bothered me from the first moment it appeared. Gimli, son of Gloin, was portrayed as a buffoon.

Gimli is originally a fearsome and very competent warrior, a 4'10'' and 350 lbs of solid muscle, covered in mithril, carrying a large axe. He has a strong sense of honor and duty, and he is very scary when he is angry. He is also a beyond being a professional warrior, it's a lifestyle for him, not a job. He has trained for life on the battlefield since before he could walk, and he is capable of taking out five orcs with that axe, without help, despite the differences in height.

And in the movies he is used almost entirely for comic relief. This angers me.

Gimli is badass, a great warrior, and a very frightening one at that. He should not be diminished in this way.

Trivia of the Day:

Female Gamer:
Mythical creature, extremely rare compared to the number of male gamers in the world. Hardly ever recognized by non-gamers, the origins of this mystical species is shrouded in legend and myth.

Stories of these unusual creatures are whispered in the dark corners of LAN parties, with a mixture of awe and hopelessness, and in the unlikely event that one is spotted entering the room carrying what looks like a PC, she quickly collects a following of wide-eyed males, who proceed to carry her heavy bags, open doors for her, offer her seats, and fetch items for her throughout the LAN party.

Researches have yet to puzzle out the complex rituals that govern how to interact with a Female Gamer. One thing they all agree on however, is that a certain way to earn a Female Gamer's eternal enmity is to come across as giving her preferential treatment while gaming, be it extra help across a map, gifts of free items and equipment, or even open admiration and adoration of her skills and abilities in the game, just because she is "a girl".

Adventures with the Bowflex

I have been trying to keep up and work at least one muscle group per day on the Bowflex, for that beach honeymoon in my future, and it remains an evil torture device in every way. My shoulders hurt today, which could potentially be very bad, as I have a desk job and do lots of typing at work.

Fun historical triva: The first known prototype of a Bowflex Extreme can be viewed at the Tower of London.

Work-related venting

Don't tell me to just shut up and fix your problem.

Don't say "I'm not a complaining kind of person". According to the timer on my phone I've listened to you do just that for the past 25 minutes.

Why would we intentionally ship you a malfunctioning part?

No, it's not my phone. It doesn't matter that no one else has problems hearing you or that no one else points out the static, if there was anything at all wrong with my phone it would have been replaced by now, because I can't do my job without it. And I would have this problem with all customers, not just you.

Don't put me on hold. You called me... if you don't have time to focus on the conversation for ten minutes, call back later. That goes double if you're on a call on the other line as well, while talking to me.

You're not funny. You really, really, are not funny.

Jokes about needing more memory, when I apologize for a temporary computer problem, are not funny either.

No, I don't have a direct extension, we're a call center here. And even if I did have one, I'm not going to give it out just so you won't have to wait on hold when you call back in ten minutes to place your order.

No, it's not your fault the part isn't working. But it's not ours either, so stop accusing us of making it fail just so we can take more money from you.

I'm not interested in how long you've been on hold. You're not more important just because you had to wait longer, and I won't work harder to help you just because you're upset about it. (For the record, we know what our hold times are. If we could do something about them, don't you think we would, just to improve our own work environment?)

Shrill voices. I hate shrill voices.

Insomnia

It's not the inability to sleep that does it. It's knowing that it just won't happen tonight. I'm going to yawn, try to doze off, try to at least get some rest, laying there in my bed while my thoughts keep spinning, and spinning... and then just fade because I'm too tired. I'm too tired to sleep.

And when the mind finally goes numb enough, then the body starts to react: muscles grow very restless, and then so very heavy... The stomach wants to be filled, it has been empty for far too long, and turns sour. Joints ache, ears throb, and there's always something, somewhere, that is itching.

And the pressure to sleep makes everything else pop up, until everything that has to be done is spinning around the room like the proverbial Mara, ruining the night. I have to sleep, I have things I have to do tomorrow, and I need the energy. And once you realize how late it is, and how badly you have to get that rest now, that is when it becomes absolutely impossible. Trying to force oneself to sleep never works.

But I have to sleep, or at least lay still and quiet. There's a man sleeping next to me who needs his rest just as much, probably more, than I do and it's not fair to him to keep him up just because I can't sleep.

I want to sleep. I need my sleep.

Poker musings, and a bit of a rant

They were showing the 2004 WSOP Tournament of Champions on TV earlier today. The ten best poker players in the world, by far, all of them together around a table, playing a tournament game. The winner took home $2 million.

It's fascinating to watch the differences in personality, playing style, the way they interact with each other... the mental game. It's all about playing people as much as it is about playing your cards. Or your opponent's cards, for that matter. There is a certain amount of luck involved, of course, but poker is not true gambling and never was.

Gambling depends entirely on luck. But if poker did, it wouldn't be the same group of people finishing in the money at WSOP year after year, now would it?

And on a completely unrelated note, I am sick and tired of seeing movie adaptations of The Count of Monte Cristo portraying Mercedes as the loyal woman who ends up happily ever after with Edmond at the end. Follow the book, please!

Mercedes is supposed to end up widowed (after marrying Edmond's supposed best friend!), completely bankrupt, and without even a title or reputation to her name, believing her only child has been murdered in one of those random robberies that is the very definition of unfairness, and that her husband was killed in a similar pointless manner. She deserves all of it, every single bit, and more. Mercedes is even more of a traitor than the rest of them, and it is starting to seriously annoy me that it seems to be the norm to have her and Edmond live happily ever after in cosy affectionate love, after he forgives her. And she really doesn't deserve that either, by the way.

I want Haydee back in the story, the way Dumas wrote it. Haydee knows what loyalty is.

May I have your attention, please?

Pay close attention everyone, because I have something important to say. And I'll only bother to say it this once, so if you don't pay attention now, you'll miss it completely. Are you read? Here we go:

It's not a phase.

I'm not going outgrow this.

I'm nearly thirty years old now, so whatever is in my personality is probably not going to “grow away”. You would have to talk me into changing it.

You may think I'm being childish, for all I know you think I am immature and pretty weird. You may even look at me and see some sort of freak who refuses to accept that she's not a teenager anymore. Well, in that case: We need to talk.

Let's ignore the absurdity of the notion that one look at me would tell you everything about me for a moment, and focus on what matters here: You have absolutely no basis for your assumptions, and you have no right whatsoever to judge me. And while you might think certain things are childish and immature, has it occurred to you that your opinion (and that's all it is, an opinion) might not be as valid to everyone else as it is to you?

Now, I understand if you won't listen to me, given that I'm probably very biased. I'm talking about myself and my life after all. My own opinion, especially about what matters to me, is not enough to convince anyone, and it shouldn't be. Not if I want to retain the right to mock you for basing all your statements on nothing but your own opinion, right?

So think of it this way: All adults watch TV. All adults watch movies, and nearly everyone watches the Super Bowl. And they do it because they want a break. A respite from whatever they need to get away from at that moment, that bores and slowly dulls the mind. Why does it matter that I watch “StarWars” instead of “Failure to Launch”? What do you care that I read “Lord of the Rings” and “PC Gamer” instead of “InStyle” and “Entertainment Weekly”? It's all a form of escapism anyway.

Your problem is that you misunderstand the type of escape it is. Yes, of course I'm escaping from something, but unlike what you think, I'm not escaping from reality into a happy fuzzy place of dreams and fantasies.

I'm breaking out of the dungeon of mediocrity and making a mad dash for freedom into the world where things matter, where there really is such a thing as noble souls and true heroes. Into the world where the bad guys eventually lose. Where Inigo Montoya gets his revenge, Darth Vader dies to save Luke, where there is a spot on the world map marked “here there be dragons”, and where people really can be good, noble, and unselfish.

Why would I ever give that up? More to the point, why do you think I would be better off if I did? And while we are on the subject, why do you think my life would be better if I wore longer skirts, lower boots, and more discreet nail polish? Do you really think it's that easy to make everything right? Then you're the one who is delusional here.

Ignore for a moment the fact that we barely know each other. Ignore for a moment our mutual disdain and contempt for each other's taste in music, clothing, and literature. Ignore for a moment the fact that none of us will ever be able to change the other's mind. Ignore all that and ask yourself, why does it matter?

What do you care why a perfect stranger dresses weird, listens to weird music, watches “childish” movies and counts the days until the next major video game release? The way I see it, either you're jealous, in which case I pity you, or you somehow feel threatened by me and my hobbies, in which case I despise you.

Prove me wrong. I dare you.

While you're working on that, I will be busy over here, writing my poems, playing my games, reading my fantasy novels, and watching “The Princess Bride” for the 500th time. And I will be happy, and somehow remain convinced that maybe everything isn't lost yet. Maybe there is still something good left in this world? I think so. In fact, I'm sure of it.

And tomorrow, I will celebrate that with black nail polish and purple lipstick.

You'll see.

Sometimes we all need a little quiet defiance.

What are you?

Inspired by Karin's book quiz, I am posting a link to The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test. Take the quiz, and find out which one you are.

Fair warning: It wants you to pick a user name and give out your email address, but just give them your web-based spam trap, and you'll be fine. It's worth it for the entertainment value.

Here is what I am:

Your Score: Modern, Cool Nerd

69 % Nerd, 69% Geek, 39% Dork

For The Record:


A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.



Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!



Congratulations!

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Link of the Day: YouGamers.com

As a loyal Gamespot member, I hardly ever consider going elsewhere for game news, reviews, trailers, et cetera. This is not only because Gamespot has all of them, or because it's so big you can be sure to get every single nuance between blind fanboy worship and unadulterated hatred of a game, if you search for reviews, but because I really like how it's organized and how the interface works. They make it easy for me to find everything, in fact, they find it for me and send it to my account inbox in a steady stream of updates . Very handy.

But today I will, for once, link to another web community that offers game reviews, forums, and your own account for doing and enjoying both of those: YouGamers.com What the site has going for it, that has made me bookmark it and visit again and again, is the Game-O-Meter. It scans your computer via a downloadable java script, and then shows you, on a flame-inspired graph, how well your system will perform in the game you were reading a review of just before you clicked the button.

I have been looking for something like that for years!

I am a book

Karin provided a link to this fun Quiz today. Which book are you? I am either Catch 22 or Watership Down, it seems. You probably know me... you decide.

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You too can be a rockstar...

This is my most recent favorite game. In spite of insisting to try and give me carpal tunnel syndrome, Guitar Hero II remains one of the most entertaining video games I have ever come across.

Rock on!



(No, that's not me playing. Don't be ridiculous.)

What is wrong with people?

I didn't have a single nice customer on the phone all day today. Not one.

The worst ones are not the ones who are ignorant, stupid, and rude/mean. It's the ones who know just enough to get themselves in trouble, but not quite enough to get out of it.

And they all have one thing in common: They know that it was not in any way their fault, and they are convinced that if they are nasty and mean enough, then everything will work itself out just the way they know it should have been all along.

The ones who whine are nearly as annoying as the ones who think they have to bully me to get help. Worst of all are the ones who think that if they say either furiously, border-line hysterically, or triumphantly, "this is not good customer service!", that phrase will magically, like a spell of ancient power, turn me into a groveling and obliging model of instant obedience to their whims.

"I'm a loyal customer" seems to hold the same magical power.

I know we can't live without our customers. I know we need them, and that I would not have a job without them, and I have absolutely nothing against them. It's just that sometimes I wonder if someone who has spent all of $45 in the two years they have been a "loyal customer" really is worth sitting there and taking that abuse for.

Bizarre things my customers have said to me

Inspired by Children Say The Darndest Things, I am going to try to write up the most bizarre things that customers have said to me, either during phone calls or chat conversations. And yes, all these things have happened to me personally.

Me: Is the billing address and shipping address the same?
Customer: "The same as what?"

Me: And the phone number you have on file with your credit card?
Customer: Um... hang on, let me turn it over and look... 1-800-....

Me: Sir, that's a [competitor] part number. We don't support another company's product.
Customer: Why not?

Customer: "I have to pay for shipping this back to have it replaced? But it's defective! I only had it for a year!"

Me: I'll of course be happy to reinstate your order. I just need you to give me your credit card information again, because we don't store that where it can be reached.
Customer: Why not? That's stupid!

Me: I do apologize for the inconvenience sir, it's just that it is against our fraud-prevention policy to charge a credit card if we cannot verify the billing address on the order.
Customer: I just repeated it to you!

Me: What is the make and model of your computer, sir?
Customer: Dell.
Me: What kind of Dell, sir?
Customer: Dell!!!

My job teaches restraint.

An exercise in futility?

I have decided to give the Bowflex machine sitting in the spare upstairs bedroom a second chance. In reality it's probably more like a fifth or sixth... but since I have a honeymoon on a beach coming up as well as a high school reunion, I figured that if those two together can't motivate me, I'm truly a lost cause.

I like the idea of being able to do three or four reps, then go downstairs and get some water, go back upstairs and do a few more, and so on and so forth. And I distinctly remember that the one time when I actually managed to stick to a consistent routine with it for more than a week, it had visible and pleasant results. Aside from the cosmetic benefits of doing strength training on a regular basis, I remember that my back was hurting less back then, as were my shoulders and knees.

So I have, as of 45 minutes ago (30 for the workout and 15 for showering afterwards), decided that I will give the torture device a sixth chance. I will work all the major muscle groups three evenings a week, and hopefully I will eventually come to the point where I don't fell like rolling over and pass out after a mere half hour.

And when I get that far, I'll add another 10 lbs of resistance, and see what happens.